Transformers 2

Posted by pookzilla on June 27, 2009

I had incredibly low expectations for this movie. The first one was pretty bad beyond the ZOMG Transformers!!1! aspect but I was still skeptical of the early reviews I had read. The criteria for a “good” summer action blockbuster is pretty minimal – could it really be as bad as the reviews say?

Oh yes. Yes it could. That movie was bloody TERRIBLE. I don’t even know where to begin. Take any given metric of success a “good” movie might express and this movie expresses the exact opposite. The plot is shite, the acting is shite, the graphics are shite (by virtue of the fact that they’re moving so fast the human eye can’t process them), the characters are shite (and sexist and racist and any number of other -ists you care to find) and it’s longer than every movie I’ve ever seen PUT TOGETHER. The whole thing is a debacle. The only point in that whole mess that snapped me out of the list of grievances I was crafting in my head was the appearance of Devastator and they even had to ruin that by giving him a set of f*#@ing testicles.  TESTICLES!

The reviews out there are cruel but the kicker is this – THEY AREN’T CRUEL ENOUGH.